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Stressed and Surrounded: Boundaries Anyone?

Stress Isn’t Just a Buzzword—It’s a Daily Reality

Feeling stressed? Let’s be honest—stress has a seat at far too many of our tables. It creeps into our mornings before the coffee kicks in and lingers long after the lights go out. And while we often blame one thing—a tough job, a draining relationship, or too many bills—the truth is, stress is layered, complex, and incredibly personal.

In this article, we’re diving into the primary causes of stress across different life contexts and why setting boundaries might just be one of the most revolutionary things you do for your health.

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What Are the Primary Causes of Stress?

While stress can look different for everyone, there are a few universal stressors that many of us carry:

Workplace Woes

From excessive workloads and unrealistic deadlines to toxic supervisors and job insecurity, the workplace is one of the most common sources of stress. Add to that the pressure to perform constantly and the lack of control over our environment, and you’ve got a recipe for burnout.

Financial Strain

Stress over money isn’t just about making ends meet—it’s about safety, survival, and long-term security. Global uncertainty, inflation, and generational disparities in wealth can add even more weight, especially for Black women navigating systemic challenges.

Family Responsibilities

Whether you’re raising children, caring for aging parents, managing a household, or navigating complex relationships, family obligations can drain your emotional, physical, and financial resources.

Health Concerns

Chronic illness. Mental health struggles. Caring for loved ones and facing the unknown. Our health—and the health of those we love—can be one of the most persistent sources of stress.

Major Life Transitions

Even positive changes, such as getting married, having a baby, starting a new job, or moving, can be emotionally taxing. Transitions require adjustment, and that comes with emotional labor—even if the outcome is joyful.

Discrimination and Social Injustice

For many people of color, stress is compounded by daily experiences of discrimination, inequity, and systemic bias. Research shows that racial stress—especially when chronic—can elevate cortisol levels, weaken immune function, and worsen cardiovascular health (APA, 2023; Williams & Mohammed, 2024).

When Stress Doesn’t Have One Name: The Cumulative Effect

Sometimes stress isn’t one big thing—it’s a thousand tiny things piling up:

  • The text you haven’t replied to
  • The groceries you forgot to buy
  • The email haunting your inbox
  • The expectations from everyone… except yourself

It adds up. And it manifests in our bodies, our energy, our relationships, and our ability to be present.

The Silent Culprit? Weak or Nonexistent Boundaries

Here’s the truth we often avoid: many of us are stressed not just because of what we carry, but because of what we allow.

If the word “boundaries” makes you feel uncomfortable, you’re not alone. For many of us—especially Black women—setting boundaries has been falsely framed as selfish, difficult, or even rude.

But boundaries are not barriers. They’re not walls to shut people out. They are bridges that protect your peace while still letting love and connection flow in.

Stress doesn’t mean you’re weak. It means you’re human—living, juggling, showing up.

What Influences How We Experience Stress?

You could have two people in the same situation—one thriving, one unraveling. What makes the difference?

  • Perception: If you believe stress is destroying you, it likely will. But if you see it as a challenge to grow through, your brain and body respond differently.
  • Support System: Having people who listen, uplift, and understand you can buffer the effects of stress. Studies from the American Psychological Association (APA) show that strong social support significantly improves stress resilience and emotional well-being.
  • Coping Style: Avoidance and denial only delay the stress; they do not eliminate it. Active coping—through reflection, routines, boundaries, and therapy—helps lighten the load.
  • Emotional Regulation: If you haven’t learned how to recognize, sit with, or release emotions, they’ll build up and leak out in ways you can’t always control.

So, What Can You Do About It?

Here are a few small but powerful shifts to make:

  • Say No Without Explaining. Your peace doesn’t need a permission slip.
  • Rest Before You’re Exhausted. You deserve sleep, softness, and stillness.
  • Unfollow Chaos. Even digitally, boundaries matter.
  • Rebuild Your Yes. Only give it to what aligns with your purpose and capacity.
  • Check In With Yourself Daily. What do I need right now? How do I feel?

Self-Advocacy: Your Voice, Your Power

Self-advocacy is the practice of recognizing your needs, rights, and boundaries—and then confidently and clearly communicating them to others. In a life full of external pressures, it becomes a critical tool for protecting your well-being, especially as intersections of race, gender, culture, and systems shape what you carry.

Why Self-Advocacy Matters

Empowerment and Agency:
When you claim your voice, you shift from reacting to responding. Self-advocacy builds self-efficacy—a belief in your ability to manage challenges—which research links to lower psychological distress and better health outcomes (Bandura, 1997; Lightsey et al., 2013).

Better Alignment in Relationships and Care:
When you speak up about what you need—whether it’s time, space, or clarity—it enables others to support you effectively. Studies on patient-centered care show that individuals who practice self-advocacy report better communication with healthcare providers and higher satisfaction with treatment (Hibbard & Greene, 2013).

A Buffer Against Stress and Burnout:
Self-advocacy prevents the accumulation of small, unspoken demands that silently deplete energy. It also challenges the narrative that we must always “push through” adversity. Research from mental health advocacy fields identifies self-advocacy as a core protective factor against compassion fatigue and emotional exhaustion (Moore et al., 2024).

Resilience and Growth:
Developing self-advocacy skills increases confidence and social inclusion while supporting adaptive coping mechanisms. In community health studies, advocacy engagement among Black women has been associated with improved psychological empowerment and collective well-being (Watts & Abdul-Adil, 2022).

How to Grow Your Self-Advocacy Muscle

  1. Know your values, needs, and non-negotiables. Before speaking up, get clear on what truly matters.
  2. Use “I” statements and specific requests. For example: “I feel overwhelmed when meetings run long. Can we wrap by 4:00?”
  3. Start small. Practice asserting your needs in low-risk settings to build confidence.
  4. Prepare for resistance. Not everyone will understand right away—stay grounded in your “why.”
  5. Seek allies and feedback. Trusted friends, mentors, or therapists can help you refine your voice.
  6. Honor your limits. You do not have to advocate 24/7. Protect your energy and allow yourself to rest.
  7. Reflect after each experience. Ask yourself: What worked? What didn’t? How did it feel?

Final Thought

Surviving isn’t enough. When we learn to name what we need, reinforce the boundaries that protect our peace, and speak for ourselves—rooted in truth, not fear—we move from merely enduring life to shaping it.

Self-advocacy isn’t about being perfect; it’s about being present, courageous, and persistent.

References

American Psychological Association. (2023). Managing stress through social support. APA.org.

Bandura, A. (1997). Self-efficacy: The exercise of control. W.H. Freeman.

Hibbard, J. H., & Greene, J. (2013). What the evidence shows about patient activation: Better health outcomes and care experiences; fewer data on costs. Health Affairs, 32(2), 207–214.

Lightsey, O. R. et al. (2013). Self-efficacy, stress, and resilience: Implications for well-being. Journal of Counseling Psychology, 60(4), 569–576.

Moore, S., Richardson, K., & Wright, A. (2024). Self-advocacy, compassion fatigue, and psychological safety among women advocates. Journal of Mental Health Advocacy, 18(1), 45–57.

Watts, R. J., & Abdul-Adil, J. (2022). The psychology of empowerment and social justice: Community engagement and advocacy among African American women. American Journal of Community Psychology.